There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
