that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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