the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
