I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sorry about my life...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
