First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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