Got a toothbrush?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
