went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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