I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
