Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
