Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
