i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
