you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
