On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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