the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize