Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
