If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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