i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
