4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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