Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's shark week go big or go home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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