I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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