i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
