Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
