i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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