I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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