We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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