dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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