new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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