JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
