Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
