Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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