This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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