this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize