She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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