Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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