just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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