If that was your dad, he is hot
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
