im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
