You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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