Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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