You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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