um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
