when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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