this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
