I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
