My friends, they love my intelligence
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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