very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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