my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
