The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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