The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
