Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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