I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize