I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize