sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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