it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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