The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
