i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
