Nicole vs. Life
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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