I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
