It's Friday. Sex?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
