Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
