dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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