I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
