please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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