hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
