You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Boobs are out for the taking
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
