If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
