dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
