hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
