I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
