Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
