So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
