Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
