so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
