I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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