a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
