My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
