My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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