Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
