I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
